Tag Archives: kids

Conflicted

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From time to time, I ponder whether or not to remain on facebook. I feel like some of you will get me, while others may shut me down. That’s why I’m in a real quandary.

There are so many things I love about connecting with people I’ve not seen or heard from in a zillion years! When I happen upon a newsworthy post, it is a good thing making me happy for my connection. However, if you’re like me, you are growing rather tired of only seeing the ‘highlight reel’ of everyone’s lives. This is where I struggle. I think it causes others to feel discontent with where they are in life, what they have, who they have, where they’re not traveling to. Y’know? This then leads to the almighty comparison trap. What really gets me in a jerk though is when people are hurt because of being left out of an event they weren’t included in. It’s like those who have excluded others tend to forget that for a moment and go all out posting pictures of all the fun they experienced while those left out are seeing it blasted all over social media. This especially sticks in my craw when it involves my child. Never mind that he’s “just four” and that he doesn’t have his own social media accounts to see for himself. What matters is that I, as his Momma see it. I get it that we have limits to how many can be invited to a party…makes total sense. But don’t go and blast it all over facebook with pictures galore of the fun that my child is not included in. It hurts my heart.

If you’re close to tuning me out because you’re thinking, “she just needs to get over it!” then hold the phone a minute. Why is it that so many adult women are feeling left out and alone from social events? Honestly, it almost feels like high school sometimes with the invention of facebook, only the cliques are broadcast all over your broadband. If social media was designed to bring us all together, then why is it making people feel so alone? Why are there more marriages coming to an end? Why is there cyber bullying? Why are more and more people feeling less and less content?

I truly want to believe that so-called “posters” on social media don’t mean any harm. They just want to share their pics with all their zillions of “friends”. Or, the wife who always receives the most gorgeous bouquet of flowers “just because”. Or, the proud Mommas and Daddies who post pics of their darling who made it on the cheerleading squad; received a ginormous full-ride scholarship to their dream school; had the dreamiest prom; made the best grades; went on the most awesome senior trip…..and on and on it goes. I haven’t even gone into the lavish vacation pictures we all see plastered everywhere, never mind this may just be “so and so’s” second trip to Disney and third cruise within six months. Seriously? What about those who can barely make ends meet? What about those who are lonely singles or struggling to hold their marriage together?

Lest you think I’ve not participated in any facebook faux pas, I have. Sure, I’ve posted pictures of a trip to the beach or my child’s birthday party, even flowers my husband brought me “just because”. I, too, am guilty as charged. Does that make this any less of a problem though? I don’t think so.

Whether I decide to remain on social media or not is still unknown. My husband reminds me that it all depends on what you do with facebook. I don’t mean to pick on facebook per se; it’s really all social media. I have learned many important events such as weddings, engagements, illnesses, deaths, new jobs, baby announcements, and connected with many long lost friends through social media. I’ve been encouraged by its posts, convicted by its posts, felt left out by its posts, envious by its posts and all the rest. I have a girlfriend who is not on facebook for all these reasons and more, challenge me to give it up for a week. a month. two months, and on and on, as a test to see if I really need it in my life.  Something to ponder for sure.

I’m really curious what you, my followers, think of the glorious invention of social media. Sure, there are pros and cons. However, do the cons outweigh the pros? Do we really need to be connected in every way imaginable to know what’s going on, or can we survive going back to being in real fellowship with our friends… in person….. catching up on all the news? Is it possible we might even be more productive if we we weren’t linked to the social feeds? Something to ponder for sure, which is why I battle with to leave or to stay. Let me hear from you!

Oh What a Night!

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I can’t believe we did it, actually! After oh so long, we bit the bullet and hired a trusted sitter so we could have a night out….just the two of us! What a concept!

Sure, we’d had friends watch our little so we could attend a memorial/funeral service or the hubs’ work function, but not for an actual date. All I can say was, it was well worth the investment just to be able to finish a thought, much less share in a conversation, eat and actually enjoy our meal while it was still hot, and wander in and out of stores WE like to go to.

I realized that even though we’ve been married nearly 15 years, and spent nearly 12 of those years pre-child, it is vital to have quality time together. It’s easy to put the child(ren) first above the spouse, and that is just not healthy. I’ve personally witnessed good, committed marriages go by the wayside while the couple were raising children or once they became empty nesters because they didn’t put a priority on cultivating their marriage.

The concept of placing such emphasis on “the child(ren)” was somewhat foreign to me until we became parents. Granted, these offspring naturally demand more attention once they come along, and it takes concentrated effort to keep them from taking all the time and energy. Like you, my brain cells are few and far between and I’m easily distracted by the immediate “needs” of my child calling after me constantly, “MOMMY!!!!”

For instance, what seemed like ‘just the other day’, was actually a week’s time! For some reason (you expect me to remember why?!), I was following my husband in his truck and noticed that his passenger tail light was out. I made a mental note to tell him once we got home. Well, I’m sure you can guess what happened next…one interruption after another & one “MOMMMMMMMMMMMY!” after another, ’til that important piece of info drifted out of my brain for an entire 7 days mind you, until out of the blue while driving down the road together, I happened to remember I hadn’t told him about his failing light. My husband was astonished I’d forgotten to tell him for an entire week. Ah, so goes the life of a Mom.

Before my husband and I had a child, we would offer to keep friends’ children for them so they could go out and enjoy a date night without having the extra expense of hiring a sitter. It was something we felt we could do to help out and minister to our friends. It also gave us practice being around kids more. I now can understand why our friends didn’t go out more, even with our offer of free babysitting….it’s not always about the money; sometimes it’s just easier to fall in the trap of “doing what we always do” and take the kids along or hauling the kiddos to and fro for their activities because “it’s just the new normal” and we buy into the lie that we don’t need to take time for ourselves; that somehow it is only a luxury.

So, I’m/we’re committing to planning a date night once per month in order to invest in our marriage. Now, I’m not saying we’re going out on expensive dates mind you. It may be a couple hours for a quick bite to eat and hitting a few antique stores. Or, it might be coffee and hanging out in a local bookstore. Still yet, it could be sitting out at a park for a picnic and hitting up a food truck for an ice cream. The point is, taking time to invest in our marriage. I sincerely believe this conscious effort of getting out alone together will pay off in spades for years to come, long after our child is grown!

C’mon! I dare you to do the same!