Tag Archives: freedom

momma’s heart

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momma’s heart

We Moms love our children. Each one holds a special place in our heart. God gifts our children with His special gifts and a uniqueness all their own. My son is no different. I love him to pieces and treasure time spent together and occasionally, we get to enjoy a date when Daddy’s away.

We had one such date recently. Admittedly, I was a tad nervous about how it might go since he’d been disrespecting me by not listening when I call for him. I had discovered an outdoor event at a favorite park some distance away. While I knew he’d enjoy going, I was a bit reluctant that he might pull a Houdini and run away from me. My husband’s encouragement and prayers turned my fear into faith and dismissed any fears I might have.

We had a great time together that beautiful spring day! The sun was shining and we ventured to the park. He bounced in bounce houses til he was dizzy, scored lots of swag, learned quite a bit of history, and enjoyed the towering tree house in the park. My heart was full because he listened, obeyed and had “the best day ever”. Before we’d left the house that morning, I encouraged his behavior by dangling a carrot: “If you behave by listening to and obeying Mommy, we can have a slumber party tonight.” He was beyond thrilled at the thought of it!

We had such fun! He obeyed “right away, all the way, and with a happy heart,” meaning we would have that slumber party. We piled into Mommy’s bed and watched his favorite show, Arthur, til we both fell asleep. It was a memory I won’t soon forget. After all, the window for a little boy sleeping with his Mommy isn’t very long. He was so excited to snuggle up under the covers in the ‘big bed’ and watch tv. My heart was full! We were making memories!!

We had another such day! It was a full day of cross country, lego club, play at the gym, followed by a trip to a favorite restaurant with his friends for some lunch and yummy custard. I felt so grateful to have this time with him, to see him enjoy his friends and play til he was completely drenched with sweat. As we were leaving play time at the gym, his friend’s Mom invited him to ride in her van with the other kids. You’d think he was invited to go to Disney World! As I gazed into his beautiful blue eyes paying particular attention to his newly missing front teeth, he begged me to let him ride with his friends.  Hesitant at first as he’s not ridden with anyone but Mommy & Daddy, I agreed to let him go. He excitedly hopped in her van, his little face all aglow at this newfound freedom. Meanwhile, I hung my head as I climbed into my car all alone. It was a short 10 minute ride to the restaurant for heavens’ sake, but to me, it seemed much longer.

All at once, my emotions hit me like a slap in the face! I realized our special times together won’t last forever. Soon enough, I will fade into the background as he chooses his friends over me. He’ll be too big to have a slumber party, and more often than not, I’ll be riding alone while he rides with his friends. I encountered a little whiplash from the reality of what’s to come. As they say, the days are long but the years are short.

I decided to ask God to help me CHOOSE joy. Joy in the moments peppered with frustration and disobedience. Parenting is about living one chapter, one stage of life at a time. As parents, we get only one shot with our kids. I don’t want to miss out on the good days by allowing the hard days overshadow the good ones. So, seize the day shall me my motto, as I learn to live with purpose and joy, drinking in each moment asking for grace all the way.

 

 

 

 

 

wireless-ness

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wireless-ness

What do you mean no internet?!

Yeah, so our internet has been down for at least a month, one week of which we were out-of-town, so we didn’t really care. Let’s just say we now care! Initially it was sporadic, at best. Now zip, notta, zilch, zero. We’ve been siphoning off our neighbor’s wi-fi for some time, I’m embarrassed to say, albeit we were granted permission to use it. I’ve been so desperate a couple of times that I’ve actually filled out important school forms via my cellphone’s data!

It has become astounding to me what all we do that requires internet access. I didn’t realize how dependent I’ve become on it for reading, researching, checking email and social media, signing up for events, and on the list goes. If I’m being honest, I feel like I’m trying to detox off of drugs! It’s like I can sit here holding my laptop just so, waiting for the signal to (fingers crossed!) pull in from my neighbor’s wi-fi, or I can go to the nearest McD’s offering free wi-fi service and hang out in the parking lot as if I’m waiting on my drug fix. I’m now an internet junkie!

“Hello, my name is Aimee, and I’m addicted to the internet.”

Depending on how I “spin” my current situation, I feel freed from the bind the bandwidth has had on me. It’s amazing how much more I’ve accomplished around the house since being without. On the flip side, I’m keeping a rather lengthy list of all that needs to be done once I’m back among the living and can connect to the information super highway. If you really think about it, it’s hard to imagine a time when we weren’t so connected to all things IT. With less and less personal interaction and the continued rise of being a ‘one man show on the go’, it’s no wonder one is left scratching his head when the internet is down.

Soon enough, I’ll be back in business. For now, though, I think I’ll kick back and enjoy my newfound freedom. Heck, I may actually get some work done around the house, finish reading a book, and even have dinner ready on time for a change!

 

 

 

 

 

Hello, Summer!

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Even though the calendar doesn’t claim the day until late June, the thermometer doesn’t lie when it boasts 80 and 90 degree temps in May and early June! Heat is not my friend, but I’ve learned to embrace it a la poolside. I’ve always loved being at the pool but let’s just say up until 5.5 years old, that big hole filled with sparkly blue water was anything but relaxing!

We kicked off this summer season with swim lessons. Layering skills each summer has made all the difference and all at once, it seems, everything begins to click. Arms and legs begin to move together in sync as the body moves much like a fish through the water. Goggles make diving for toys more exciting, and kids on floats turn the pool into a huge playground in the water! With sunscreen, canteens of cold water, and plenty of snacks, a whole new world has opened before me where I don’t have to be a “smother” any longer in the pool. I can enjoy watching from a distance (oh, so very closely, mind you) as my son frolics happily in the water!

It’s amazing how something as simple as that can give a Momma newfound freedom! Suddenly, summer has become a much more enjoyable season from one who detests being hot! So, bring on the heat, I’ll be submerged in that big hole filled with sparkly blue water!

with a turn of a page

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Oh how I dearly love the fall season! I adore the varied colors of foliage, the aroma of burning leaves, change of the sun’s position in the sky, delicious apple season, yummy chilis and soups, the majestic mountains, outdoor activities, and most of all….cooler temperatures!!!! Something happens within me as well; I feel invigorated by the crisp, cool, clear days. I have a spring in my step like no other season of the year gives me. Cherishing it day by day because fall will soon fade into winter, which is my least favorite season, even a little depressing.

With the start of fall brings a whole new freedom and excitement for me this year! I am almost giddy at the thought of my nearly 4 year old starting Mother’s Day Out (MDO) next week! I truly never thought I’d be ready for this moment; however, it’s only 2 days a week yet it represents hours of newfound freedom that will soon be mine. Those of you who’ve been following my blog are well aware of the boundless energy my son possesses. As a matter of fact, just last night, a friend at church witnessed my son’s burst of energy at nearly 8pm and asked me if he ever slows down…..to this question asked of me, I quickly exclaimed, “NO!” Well, maybe at bedtime after a slowwwwww winding down as he takes in a favorite TV show.

So, as excited as I am, I’m afraid I have inflated expectations of alllllll that I hope to accomplish during the hours he’ll be away two days a week. I’m ready to purge and clean my house top to bottom. I want to see the sparkle of clean floors, ready to stock my freezer with soups for fall, ready to meet a friend here or there occasionally for an impromptu lunch. While I feel so blessed to be a SAHM, quite honestly, I feel like my house has been on a nearly 4 yr hiatus of attention. Truly! You know how it is, you see that the bathrooms need cleaning so you give them some elbow grease and next thing you know, minutes later, it’s as if you never put a cleaning cloth to them. Discouragement at it’s finest. You sweep the carpet and within a matter of time, crumbs pattern the floor as if you never whirled that Hoover. This, of course, translates to the bedroom (mine and his!), the kitchen, den and bonus room. Toys are everywhere…mostly under my feet! Oh how I will purge them when his little eyes can’t witness them disappear. It’s times like these that I find myself wondering if my family of 3 could embrace a tiny house. Less stuff, more time, less stress.

Now, if you should darken my doorstep, please don’t be quick to judge me if all these glorious expectations of mine aren’t met. I have big outdoor plans as well, like the beds that need weeding badly, shrubs need coiffed, back yard needs purged of an abundance of toys.

For now, my son’s voice beckons me. After all, it’s more about the memories being made than the chores being left undone, right? The days go by quickly, and I intend to make the most of them with my newfound freedom!

Have a wonderful day, my friends!

 

Sometimes,…

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Sometimes,…

You just have to be willing to say YES to receive a blessing. The challenge here is having  the discernment to know what things you have to say NO to in order to be able to say YES to what God may be leading or prompting you to do. A full calendar may look good to your ego, but when it comes to being available for what is really important, less is more.

Ask me how I know? I have learned the hard way, actually. Recently, I said “yes” to something I truly don’t like or enjoy doing. Why? I felt a prompting in my spirit to move forward with it and said “yes” to this thing I ordinarily would not have done otherwise. The great news is that I was blessed but better yet, I was able to bless someone else in return. A true win/win. Honestly, as someone just recently shared with me: ‘when you are able to do or help someone in a way that blesses them, you are the one who receives the bigger blessing.’ I have to say, it felt really good!

Remember, I said just a few sentences ago that I had to learn the hard way? Here’s how….for years and I do mean y.e.a.r.s, I have been really naughty (I have a 3 year old, remember?) about saying “yes” when, in all honesty I should have said “no,” plain and simple. Oftentimes, these things I’ve said a wholehearted “yes” to were in fact things I truly wanted and was excited to do AND they were good things, even God-honoring. The problem arrived when later that same day, or even a couple days later, I panicked. I know that may seem dramatic, but it’s true all the same. I know myself pretty well and I don’t operate on all 4 cylinders when I’m over-c0mmitted. I just don’t. Quite frankly, my anxiety takes over and sometimes, I even feel sick in my gut. (I know some of you are rolling your eyes thinking ‘this girl is off her emotional rocker!‘) All I can say, is this is 100% truth; I should know, I’m talking about me for heavens’ sake!

This is how I came to the point of learning to say NO. It has taken me awhile and I mean a long while to learn the fine art of saying no without feeling that I’m hurting someone’s feelings or letting someone down. I have to give credit where credit is due….it was my husband (leave it to him!) who put scripture to it.

“Suppose one of you wants to build a tower. Won’t you first sit down and estimate the cost to see if you have enough money to complete it?” (Luke 14:28)
Honestly, this brought it all together for me. It made sense of my crazy emotional state. So now, whenever I’m faced with a decision of whether/not to take part in something (good or not, isn’t the question), he reminds me of this scripture and it truly helps me to think through whatever I’m considering. I don’t want to commit to something and not be able to see it through to completion but at the same time, I don’t want to become sick over it either, trying to please others.
These days, I find myself taking a brief pause when someone asks me (in person) to do this or that. It gives me a minute to gather my thoughts and recall this scripture. If I’m really caring for myself as I should, I will ask them if I may get back to them. This is best because then I can not only pause and think but most importantly, I can take some time to pray over my decision. What is most important to me, however, is that God is pleased with whatever commitments I make. Isn’t that what really matters?
This, in essence, is how I go about “sitting down to estimate the cost.” If we say “yes” to everything and everyone, we will be absolutely no good for ourselves or to those who matter most to us. Over-commitment, in my estimation, is not a good character trait. It just isn’t. We have to be able to analyze what is the best use of the time we have with the resources and prior commitments we already have. I have also learned that I must keep the main thing the main thing: the Lord, my spouse, my son, extended family & friends, church, work, etc., etc.
The takeaway: pray over every decision and commitment before you find yourself in over your head. I’ve been there many times and it’s not.much.fun. Choose to live in the state of freedom and be blessed all at the same time. You won’t regret it!