CAUTION: Reading any further will gross you out & make you sick but hopefully make you laugh at the not-so-pretty aspects of being a Mommy to a Little.
Oh.my.goodness! I am recalling a recent and rather lengthy road trip taken with my soon-to-be four year old. I’m glad I can find humor in the memories now. At the time, however, it wasn’t so funny.
While we have traveled quite a bit with our son in his short life, none of our trips have been as eventful as this one. I’m so grateful my husband was aboard for the trip so we could share the frustrations… and the laughs.
So on our way out of town initially, everything went fine. All 15 hours. No accidents. Of course, there were pit stops and changing of the pull-ups. Yes, he’s nearly four and still UNpotty-trained. We’ve graduated from size 6 diapers (the largest size available) to pull-ups. We’ve unsuccessfully rewarded potty-going with stickers, candy, toys, even money to encourage using “the throne,” all temporal attempts at reaching our much-anticipated goal. Even promises of pizza & games at Chuck E Cheese or starting pre-school are no match for this boy! Honestly, I would love to peer into my toddler’s mind to understand why his willful fight to use the “big boy potty”. I’m not kidding…it is quite the fight!
I digress….back on point.
You know how it is with a baby traveling near or far, you experience the “explosive diaper” and rather quickly no matter where you are, you have to do “surgery” as I call it, to remedy the dirty situation. Okay, so how about experiencing this with an almost four year-old. Awwww yeahhhhhhh! You read correctly: F O U R. Mercy sakes, it’s not pretty!
Honestly, I’ve not experienced such disgusting-ness to this point of being a Mommy (uh oh, shouldn’t have said that…don’t want to jinx myself!). Now I am totally in love with my son, but c’mon buddy, work with me! You are no longer a baby and I am losing patience quickly with this potty-in-the-pants thing. Want a little more drama? How about #2 oozing down his legs causing red inflamed skin on the bum, blood-curdling screaming, and a tear-stained face all because of this ridiculousness? Or, poop in the crocs! What about an overflowing-with-pee, size LARGE pull-up spilling out into the car seat? Want more? Okay, yack stains (he wanted to make himself do it!) on the seat belt/harness with the lovely aroma billowing throughout the car as you drive for hours. Yeah, all that. AND to top it off, braking at interstate speed to pull off the nearest exit in rush hour traffic, mind you, throwing the car in park at a safe distance from the busy road so you can madly dig for rubber gloves, nose clips, fresh underpants, wipes…and more wipes to conduct surgery on your nearly four year old’s bottom. And then there’s the “where do I dispose of this mess?!”
What grinds my axe, is the flat-out refusal to go sit on the potty before any of the above happens. The sitting-in-dirty-pants-until-he-can-barely-walk routine, then demanding us to change him immediately. Now let’s get one thing straight: I’m not inflicting this as punishment to my son. NOPE, No way! This is all on him. He chooses to exhibit this behavior over and over and over, all with the same painful results: leading him to soak in an epsom salts bath, followed by a lovely concoction of Vaseline/baby powder to be slathered on his bottom before donning a new pair of pull-ups. Yeah, that.
Ya’ll, I like to think of myself as a Lady. Ladies don’t talk about these type of things. We deal and endure in private, certainly not share it on social media! Days like these, however, cause you to wonder why in the world you ever thought it was a good idea to have a child. Kidding of course! But seriously, what is so exciting to a Little about sitting in dirty pants and having a sore bottom? Mine just cannot sit still. It’s the honest truth.
Lest this become about potty training, or lack thereof, I’m encouraging you (as well as myself) to look at these moments and laugh. Laugh so hard so that you don’t get upset, or even angry, for that matter. Put it all in perspective and make light of it in your mind (certainly not in front of the Little. Heaven knows we don’t want to encourage this kind of behavior!) I hope in some small way you can relate to the humor of such unpleasant Mommy moments. Together we can laugh and one day, we’ll recall these gross-ities with a certain fondness that only Mommas can relate to! Who knows? Such “memories” might just serve as blackmail one of these days! I dunno, like maybe high school graduation parties, wedding rehearsal dinners,…..you get the point!
My prescription: LOL (Laugh Out Loud) & often!